How do you hold more butt?


Every night at bed time, after I read to the boys, they watch a video with their father. The latest favorite is Meghan Trainor’s All About that Bass. My apologies for the fact that the song is now stuck in your head. Just start thinking like Taylor Swift and try to Shake it Off. Anyway, usually the boys just watch the images and listen to the music. But Corey has finally started actually listening to the lyrics.

Uh oh.

Meghan sings, “My mama she told me don’t worry about your size.”

(This is a big fat lie, which we can discuss another time.)

“She said boys like a little more booty to hold at night.” Corey pipes up and asks, “What’s booty?” I say, “Butt.” He replies, “How do you hold more butt?”

And I give the best answer of my entire parenting career. This answer should be framed and written about in the history books, touted on morning talk shows, and praised for all its glory. I say, “Uh..” And Damian immediately changes the subject.

There are more, er, interesting lines in that song, but I don’t think he picked up on them. Luckily Corey didn’t pipe up and ask, “What are skinny bitches?” What would I have said to that? I could have hit him with the literal definition. “Well Corey, they are underfed female dogs.” But then he would have no doubt hit me back with, “Why is she singing about skinny dogs?” It’s an out-of-control spiral just waiting to happen.

Oh, the joy of parenting. How do I expose them to social media and allow them to be part of the world without overexposing them? How much can I really protect them when they’re out of the house for so many hours a day? And what do I say now that they’re starting to ask me harder questions? It’s going to get worse before it gets better. They’re not even tweens yet! I guess I’ll just do my best, like everybody else, and hope I don’t screw them up too much.

In the meantime, I am secretly celebrating the fact that I get to watch pop music videos instead of Disney videos. Yay!