Anyone who parents small children knows that the little people can get seriously creative. Sometimes this is a good thing. Sometimes this is a bad thing. These shenanigans cause us to say “Aw, look how cute junior is!” Other times we have to say completely insane things that no human would ever utter under any other circumstances. If you’ve got small children in your life, you know what I’m talking about. You’ve said it. Then you’ve said to yourself, “Did I really just say that?” Or you’ve said, “I can’t believe I just had to say that again!” Like, “Don’t put that in your mouth. It’s not food.” If I had a nickel for every time I’ve said that…..

So while this blog is dedicated to Corey’s CHD journey, it’s also about parenting. And I need a break from the heaviness. So rather than dragging us all through the dirt today, I’ve decided to take a lighthearted break and offer up this list of 10 things that I’ve actually said. Well, 9. There’s one in the list that I made up. Can you figure out which one it is? Feel free to chime in with your own…

By the way, this photo of my healthy-heart child, Mason, is a nice example of a creative “Aw, look how cute he is!” moment. The top 10 list, not so much.

Top 10 Things You Will Never Say to Another Human Being Unless You Have Small Children

10. The fork goes in your mouth, not the electrical outlet.

9. Why is there popcorn in my shoe?

8. No, the cat is not going to eat your broccoli.

7. I don’t know if The Grinch is coming to our house, but if you keep that up, I’m betting on ‘yes’.”

6. Why does this naked doll have only one leg?

5. I don’t know if your ice cream sandwich will fit in your shoe.

4. Your underwear does not go on your head.

3. Pee in the toilet. Not on your brother.

2. Yes ducks do like potato chips.

1. Don’t put your butt in the popcorn bowl.