Top 10 List (Part 2)

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Anyone who parents small children knows that the little people can get seriously creative. Sometimes this is a good thing. Sometimes this is a bad thing. These shenanigans cause us to say “Aw, look how cute junior is!” Other times we have to say completely insane things that no human would ever utter under any other circumstances. If you’ve got small children in your life, you know what I’m talking about. You’ve said it. Then you’ve said to yourself, “Did I really just say that?” Or you’ve said, “I can’t believe I just had to say that again!” Like, “Don’t put that in your mouth. It’s not food.” If I had a nickel for every time I’ve said that…..

So while this blog is dedicated to Corey’s CHD journey, it’s also about parenting. And I need a break from the heaviness. So rather than dragging us all through the dirt today, I’ve decided to take a lighthearted break and offer up this list of 10 things that I’ve actually said. Well, 9. There’s one in the list that I made up. Can you figure out which one it is? Feel free to chime in with your own…

By the way, this photo of my healthy-heart child, Mason, is a nice example of a creative “Aw, look how cute he is!” moment. The top 10 list, not so much.

Top 10 Things You Will Never Say to Another Human Being Unless You Have Small Children

10. The fork goes in your mouth, not the electrical outlet.

9. Why is there popcorn in my shoe?

8. No, the cat is not going to eat your broccoli.

7. I don’t know if The Grinch is coming to our house, but if you keep that up, I’m betting on ‘yes’.”

6. Why does this naked doll have only one leg?

5. I don’t know if your ice cream sandwich will fit in your shoe.

4. Your underwear does not go on your head.

3. Pee in the toilet. Not on your brother.

2. Yes ducks do like potato chips.

1. Don’t put your butt in the popcorn bowl.

Top 10 List

Since I’ve recently written a book on raising a child with CHD, I’m reading a book on publishing.  The book suggests creating top 10 lists and blasting them all over the net as a means of promoting my book.  Everybody loves top 10 lists.  I’m still playing around with backgrounds and pictures, but in the meantime, I can type.  Image So a top 10 list it is!

Only what kind of top 10 list am I going to be able to write about raising a child with a major congenital heart defect that might end up being even remotely funny?  CHD is not funny.  So I started brainstorming and came up with a few ideas.
Idea 1. Top 10 Facts About CHD
Meh.  Not funny.  Informative maybe, but I’m not a doctor, and while I might offer some CHD facts in the book, they’re not meant to replace real medical advice.  So I scrapped that one.
Idea 2. Top 10 Pictures of Kids with CHD
Better.  But does anybody want to look at a bunch of other people’s kids with tubes and wires sticking out of them?  And still not funny.  I scrapped that one too.
Idea 3. Top 10 Responses to “Hey, where did your kid get that big scar on his chest?”
Now this one might have some legs!  Or teeth.  Or, er, something.  Let’s try it.
Top 10 Responses to “Where did your kid get that big scar on his chest?”
Number 10. “Walmart.  Aisle five.”
Number 9. “He just woke up one day, and there is was!”
Number 8, “His cousin gave it to him for his eighth birthday.”
Number 7, “Santa.  He misread the letter asking for a big CAR.”
Number 6, “The Tooth Fairy left it when she picked up his last tooth.”
Number 5, “Majorca.”
Number 4, “Bar fight.”
Number 3, “Freak duck pin bowling accident.”
Number 2, “He drank too much cider and fell off his little red wagon.”
Number 1, “A talented surgeon gave it to him while saving his life.”
So I’m still working on the photos in general, but this is a good one showing Corey’s healing scar after his surgery.